Kudos on writing such a good article( October issue of Secrets
of blissful relationships). I couldn’t agree more. I have been dating my boyfriend
for almost 4 years and we both decided we want to wait until marriage to experiece
love making. Your resouces were very helpful! Thank you!

****

Thanks for having the guts to write about the sex issue. Even though we’d
been married before and are in our 40’s, my husband and I just got married
this past leap day (Feb 29) and we’d decided to wait until we were married.
It was extremely difficult, but made a wonderful difference in our relationship.
We know we can trust each other if one of us has to be away for a few days.
We know that our relationship isn’t built on sex (but it does add a great
amount of spice to the relationship we have)!

Thanks for having the guts to write the truth!
Linda

****

Thank you for that truthful advice on waiting for sex until marriage!!
I am one of those who didn’t wait, but after 1X I saw my mistake and have
remained abstinent for the last 5 years. Although I will still always have
memories from my first, at least I don’t have more than that one popping
up in my mind all the time. I hope that a lot of people give your advice
a second thought, and maybe learn from other’s mistakes instead of making
their own!
Again, Thanx!
Cheryl

****

Although I would be one of the first to say that it is as much an ideal
as it is something people can do despite the pressures of our society and
‘cultural behavior’, I have been one to say as long as I can remember:

"the quickest you get to a physical relationship, the quickest it is
likely to end…"

One of the problem is that we live in a society of instant gratification.
Since many aspects of our lives are not to our satisfaction, we tend to
use intimacy to fill the void… put my vote along your side on this one…

Michel

****

I just got married 3 months ago and my husband and I waited to have sex
until our honeymoon. We have been blessed beyond blessed to see how well
our relationship has developed before and after the wedding. I strongly
believe in keeping sex for marriage, especially now that I have reaped the
benefits myself! I am glad that you did not shy away from raising such a
big issue, especially in the world we live in today! May God bless you for
your courage, and may He bless both your marriage and
your kids.

****

BRAVO! Thank you for having the courage and boldness to write this! I agree
wholeheartedly and applaud your getting this message out to the masses.
I chose to remain a virgin until my wedding night (at age 34), and I have
NEVER regretted it. I also "saved my lips" for my husband-to-be;
we didn’t kiss until after we were engaged, because being involved in a
relationship already kept my emotions plenty busy without introducing physical
contact to cloud my judgment regarding whom I should or should not marry.

I have been so thankful to not have memories of anyone else when I’m with
my husband, whether we’re just kissing or having more intimate contact.
I hope that many people will take your advice. Stephanie

****

Kudos for taking on a controversial subject which many don’t broach! Our
society and the messages we receive from media (TV, movies, and print media)
all tell us it’s okay to get physical before marriage. Look where this leaves
us: unwed single mothers, children without fathers, welfare programs, broken
relationships, and/or marriages founded on distrust.

As a single (never married, no children) woman of 34 years, I long to have
a solid-built relationship leading to marriage. On many occasions I could
have sacrificed this goal for instant gratification and a short-term relationship.
However, I believe that God blesses those who prepare for marriage by waiting,
working on their emotional and financial situations before contemplating
the "I do’s".

Keep up the good work, Michael. I hope to read more articles with thought-provoking
topics such as this!

****

I just read your article on premarital sex. I have to say, given my past
and present serious relationships, I wish I had waited with the women I
cared about. All of the pitfalls that you pointed out are present in my
relationship, although they mostly come from my girlfriend. The mistrust,
the expectations for the future, the extreme acceleration of our relationship,
all have the potential to destroy what is otherwise a good thing before
it has a chance to really flourish. Any advise for couples who have already
taken the plunge? I think we can potentially have a great, if not blissful,
long term relationship, but at this point it’s looking a little fragile.

(Editor’s note: It is never too late to stop having sex until after the
wedding – there are still rewards to be reaped).

****

How refreshing to hear someone encourage *waiting* for sex until after
marriage! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and from the very
beginning, we established that we would not have sex until after marriage.
We have an unbelievable relationship – so much better than anyone I know.
Sometimes, with all our friends ‘doing it’, we wonder if we’re just being
prudish… but every time we talk about it, we come up with another good
reason for waiting. I know our wedding night will be so much more special
because of it. With all the pressure in society to be sexy, to experiment,
to do whatever your body tells you to… I have to say "Thank you",
from the bottom of my heart. Your article was just what I needed to remind
me of what I already know.

****

Great word. As a pastor I get al ot from your column that I share with
people in marriage or premarriage talks. I like how you laid this one out.
Keep true to path God has you on. Your website gives you access to many
hearts to sow the truth of God’s word. You do it in a real "non preachy"
way.

****

Your article "Love, Marriage, & Sex", was right on! I agree
with you 100%. I’m 23 years old, my boyfriend and I have been together for
a little over a year and a half, and both of us agreed right off the bat
to wait. That’s the way it should be!!

****

Thank you for your article about abstinence until marriage. My husband
and I both made the choice when we started dating that we would not even
"french kiss" and that instead of spending time "making out,"
we would spend the time getting to know each other.

I feel that one main benefit of "waiting" is the respect and trust
that grows in the relationship. We knew and trusted each other probably
better than most of our friends who were getting married around the same
time that we were. We didn’t have to deal with all of the difficult issues
of jealousy, regret, insecurity, and disappointment that many of our friends
went through. Sadly, we already know one couple who has divorced only after
a year of marriage, due mainly to the decisions they made – or didn’t make
- about their physical relationship before they were married. They didn’t
want to wait. Only later did they realize that what they had thought was
love, was only lust, and that it fades quickly.

I’m not trying to get on a high horse or say that we were better than other
people because of the choice that we made. I am just forever glad that we
did wait. A college professor once told me that a relationship should be
built like a pyramid: Friendship, trust, and respect must be the foundation
that you build your relationship on. Other important things follow, continuing
to build the strength of the pyramid. At the very tip of the pyramid is
a sparkling diamond that is reserved for after marriage. It is the physical
intimacy that should be reserved to be between a husband and a wife. That
tip is the crowning piece of the pyramid – glittering in the distance until
marriage, and then the reward and blessing afterward.

Another blessing of waiting has been the strength it has given to our marriage.
We have now been married for almost 3 years, and in that time have gone
through the death of my mother and our first son. If we had not had a strong
foundation in our marriage, those trials could have ripped us apart. Instead
we have grown closer together through our good and bad times.

Thank you for standing up for virtue and honor in an age when it seems that
"anything goes."

Sincerely,
Jessica

****

I am one of the ones you said had regrets. I have been with my boyfriend
for a little over 18 months, and we decided to have sexual relations a little
less than 2 months along in the relationship. I regret it now, because sometimes
I do think that when we get married, we’ll just feel the same about each
other as we do now…that having sex that early will take the sparkle out
of being married. Don’t get me wrong…I love him to death, and I’d do anything
for him, but I know also that I’m more jealous and suspicious than I ever
would be if we had waited. And the thing is, now, that we’re used to having
an active sexual relationship, we just can’t stop on a dime and wait for
the wedding day…which is not set. It will leave us both feeling deprived
of something. I think that if you’re going to have a relationship with no
sex involved until after the wedding, you have to stick to it from the get-go,
and have very strong self-discipline and strong morals.

Controversial topics are what get people thinking about what’s right and
what’s wrong and why there are standards and Who ultimately put those standards
on this earth. This one was one of my favorites that you’ve put out!!

Jennifer

****

You are right on! My fiancee and I have been together for almost 4 years
now. We didn’t start out on the right foot in this area, but God convicted
us and about a year later we made a stand to be abstinent. That was almost
three years ago. We are certainly looking forward to being married and celebrating
what God has created! The pressure is not there to "perform" or
wonder if we are "good enough" for each other. And best of all,
she knows that I love her for her, not for the sex! And we are still together
after several major life crises: a period of unemployment for me, court
appearances with my ex, the death of her ex, and life in general trying
to raise the daughters we have each been blessed with.

Thank you for your newsletter. It is indeed a blessing!

Doug

****

Thanks for taking a positive stand for married sex! More people need to
hear that and not give in to the idea that "everyone is doing it".

As a pastor who has counseled dozens of couples thru the years, I heartily
agree that none of the couples that waited until marriage for sex regretted
it! On the other hand, so many who didn’t wait now have regrets about pre-marital
sex.

****

I wanted to thank you for your article and although I am one of the people
who did not abstain before I was married I still believe in the value of
waiting. The truth is I now have a two-year old son. He is a product of
a one-night stand. I love my son more then anything in this world, but it
has been a struggle for me to raise him all alone.

I know with all of my heart that God made a plan of families and husbands
and wives for a reason. It is just too hard to do it alone. I am now using
the support of my family (mostly my Mother) to raise my son. They have a
wonderful bond, but the guilt I feel of not only burdening her but being
a working mother is sometimes very tremendous. I don’t think people realize
the "ripple" effect of the problems that can happen from being
too intimate with someone you do not know.

I have a lot of respect for you for speaking you piece and I know that
it will be a value that I will instill in my son.

****

I applaud you for taking on the tough issues and speaking boldly and unashamedly
about what you believe. I agree wholeheartedly with your thoughts this week
and wish that our society in general agreed with them. I just want to encourage
you to not stop writing good and solid thoughts such as these. People need
to hear them even if they don’t like it. I will pray that God will give
you grace as you respond to those who need a response. And wisdom and patience
with those who are not so nice in their responses.

****

I couldn’t agree more with this premise, and you (as usual) made the case
clearly and eloquently.

I waited until marriage to have a relationship at that level, and my wife
did, too. We are both very religious, and this was the primary force behind
our decisions (though I appreciate your essay pointing out many of the aspects
of this issue that have nothing to do with religion or morality). I can
definitely say that neither one of us regrets this decision. While our wedding
night was not filled with fireworks (what can you expect from two people
with no experience), our intimacy is much more meaningful and personal because
we saved it for the proper time. David

****

Thank you for so beautifully expressing what I wanted to say to my boyfriend
for some weeks now. I am a Christian from a non-US culture, where people
take their religious beliefs seriously, and found it difficult to explain
(apart from using religious jargon) the logic of my wish to abstain from
physical involvement until marriage. Your newsletter expresses what I have
always felt is the logic behind this "rule" offered by our Lord
to help us get involved for all the right reasons. To my great joy, I think
he is beginning to understand the benefits of abstinence (even though we
are both past 40).

****

I am in total agreement with you on this subject matter. My first marriage
was a long bitter one, which I entered out of obligation and not true love.
I do plan to wait on having a sexual relationship with my future wife until
we are married, because I do respect her very much She is an earthly angel,
a heavenly gift sent into my life with God’s grace and she makes me a better
man. And so I will wait for our union, before we become one flesh.

****

I have been on your mailing list for quite awhile but had no relationship.
Sometimes I thought it was a waste of my time to read it because I couldn’t
apply it. As a Christian woman, I have not been successful in relationships
for various reasons but one of the major ones was sex before marriage.

Now I am in love for the very first time. I mean, I never knew it could
be like this. Never have I experienced unconditional love, unselfish caring,
and the sheer pleasure of worshipping God together both now and in the future.

We have committed to purity until marriage. This is a first for me, that
a man would love me enough to build that trust and cherish me to not steal
this special moment for us as husband and wife before we are married. I
am in awe and daily thanksgiving that he loves me this much. We are engaged
to be married next year and are so looking forward to the completeness of
each other.

Thanks for being an inspiration for me, even when I wasn’t romantically
involved. I truly look forward to future ideas from you on ways to bless
this man whom God has given me as His Wondrous gift.

****

I totally agree! I have been dating my boyfriend for three years and we
have never had sex. That was a mutual goal that was agreed upon. Not just
for the mental aspect of it, but also the spiritual and emotional aspect
as well. Not have sex, enhances our intimacy and bond. He truly is my best
friend and I love the fact of taking my time getting to know someone instead
of jumping in the bed with him. The one positive side of not having sex
before marraige is it also increases your respect, love, trust and devotion
with one another. I am glad that we stuck to our plan!

****

I didn’t wait until I was married. I lost my virginity at 17, and I’ve
never stopped regretting it. In fact, I regretted it immediately after,
but I was too proud to change my life at the time. For young people, once
you’ve lost your virginity, it’s so much easier to "go there"
with more and more partners after your first. Luckily for me, I found an
interest in God before I became promiscuous. I know that that was where
I was headed, though. I am now married to a wonderful man who waited for
me, and I wish every day that I could say that I waited for him. But, God
has forgiven me, my husband has forgiven me, and I ned to forgive myself.
Your message of waiting for marriage is mine too, and I hope we can get
this message to all the world!!